Accessories of Infliction

As I have written before, sometimes it feels like I'm at a fashion show when I'm on campus. Not only do the students here mostly dress in designer clothes (how else will you be able to sit in the Gucci corner?), but it also appears that there are certain "accessories" that take the everyday fashionable to the level of fashion-guru: what I have termed Accessories of Infliction. Let me walk you through the Winter 2009 collection...

(Note-I looked up "meaningless fashion adjectives," so if something doesn't make sense, just go with the flow.)

The first piece in the Winter 2009 collection consists of two forearm crutches. These fashion-forward accessories are educated and challenging, but for the bold wearer, they scream to onlookers, "Yeah, that's right, I went to the Egypt/Algeria soccer game and survived." With these in hand, the most elite fashion vixens will be silenced.

Are you BOLD enough?

For an even more rugged, driven look, try a classic eye patch. Nothing says desert Bedouin-chic like a sophisticated patch on the eye. While patterned eye-patches will be the highlight of the Spring collection, for now, stick with the simple solid colors. These versatile Accessories of Infliction are easy to mix and match with any outfit and can be worn by either male or female.

Fought a camel? I did.

The next piece is reminiscent of days gone by--the traditionally sized crutch. Instead of using two (how can one carry one's Gucci bag with two crutches?), put a flavorful twist on an old style by using one crutch. The witty, sweeping length of the crutch works wonders with a pair of skinny jeans or a tasteful pair of tights. Be prepared for the oohs and ahhs of everyone within a crutch-length!

Traditional...now directional.

While outside of the realms of Accessories of Infliction, this next piece is included because of its timelessness in the fashion world. Ugg boots. The hairier, the more pompoms, the more tassels, the more ANYTHING on them, the better! Don't worry if it's 60 degrees outside and completely impractical; you are being evangelical in your on-trend fashion statement.

Sometimes more is better

This concludes the Winter collection for 2009. For those who are able to pull off these fashions on campus, I applaud you, but I'm not going to break a leg to hop on this fashion-bandwagon.

Yea! It's Friday. Have a good one!!!